Monday, September 12, 2011

I am the Bionic Woman! (Oh, and a FetFest post)

First things first, an update on my knee, since you all have been such good viewers on this regularly scheduled program:

I am the Bionic Woman. It's true! Apparently, on my MRI, I no longer have an ACL. Yup - the muscle is frayed away. We're not sure how long this has been the case, but my theory is that I damaged and then subsequently snapped it last summer. Being the Bionic Woman (or rather, an idiot, depending on your perspective), I iced, elevated, avoided the hospital, and instead just continued to ride my bicycle as much as possible once the swelling went down.

Well, as life would have it, one's leg has moments of being unstable without an ACL. It is, ya know, a pretty relevant muscle. Throughout the past year, I've had a few episodes of unsteadiness, which I just took to mean my knee hurt. When I collapsed before GLLA, carrying luggage down my front stoop, I was just having another one of those episodes, with more swelling and pain than usual. Thing is, even a few hours after that incident, my leg was swollen and I couldn't entirely move it (as in, like, do a jig! or squats! or...walk up stairs!) but I wasn't in pain. At all. (Sidebar: Yes yes, masochists, I get it - perhaps my pain tolerance is a little askew.)

Long story short, my doctor, after manipulating my leg and examining my MRI, called me "Ripley's Believe it or Not" (seriously, he did), and told me that his diagnosis was that I should stay as far away from surgeons as possible, and instead? Bicycle my little face off. That's right - he wants me to exercise *more*.

Like I needed an excuse to bike more...

Anyway, I still shouldn't do things like climb Mount Everest, go line-dancing, play soccer and/or frisbee, or go chasing after small children in an Escher painting. Forward motion only, please. But I can still bicycle, jump daintily into the arms of attractive leatherbears, and get on my damn knees in a dirty dungeon.

And now, I was at FetFest:

It was great! I've been on the campground they use for a number of events, and it's always a great way to submerge yourself into your kinky culture. What better way to feel at home than to be able to wander over to other various subculture camps, completely topless? At least that's one of my highlights.

I was volunteering with my lovely sash-wife, Sara Vibes, for the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. I've been a volunteer of some kind at every event thus far, and it's my favorite way to exist. I like having a role, and places to be. I enjoy the schmoozy nature of title-holding, but the truth of the matter is, I prefer to get my hands dirty. I should be bootblacking, flyering, talking up an organization, setting up a table for promotion... I do all these things in my usual life, title-holding isn't any different for me. Being able to really rock all these skills and more always make me happy!

My only sadness is that a lot of the events (and there were a lot of them!) overlapped in such a fashion that I didn't really get to attend the things I wasn't directly involved in. I would have liked to have seen how other camps (we were attached to the Queer Village, but there was a Rope Village and a Sex Village and a Poly Village... you get it) did their thing.

My next stop...

I'll be at Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco! I've never been so I'm excited to pop my cherry. I'll be doing a demo on bootblacking (or what I like to call, Fucking Without Sex), at 3 p.m. at Venus' Playground, and will be at various parties and meet'n'greets. Find me!

Additionally, I'm staying a few extra days to attend and bootblack at my friend Allie's BOOK RELEASE! How cool is that?

Up, up, and awayyyyy!
- The Bionic Bootblack

p.s. Don't actually call me that.

p.p.s. Okay, I lied, totally call me that. I have a Wolverine Complex.

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